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| 12 Weeks |
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| 19 weeks (Christmas)...I just look like a chub! |
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| Levi's sonogram at 20 Weeks. Look at that cute little arm! |
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| 25 Weeks. |
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| 35 Weeks at my baby shower with my cousin Becca who was also prego. |
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| 42 Weeks. Its hard to see my belly though because of shadow. This was the night before I went into the hospital to be induced. Oh man was I HUGE! |
Before I got pregnant, I had the preconceived notion that pregnancy was going to be everything beautiful, and wonderful. I had heard all the stories about morning sickness, and the aches, pains and undesirable side effects of pregnancy, but I was somehow self assured that none of those things would happen to me. I was going to be one of the lucky ones that ended up without a single stretch mark, and would sail through it happy as can be. Boy, was I wrong.
The swelling was so bad that you could push into it with your fingers and it would keep the indent. Towards the end I even had edema on the underside of my belly. I had sciatic nerve pain, horrible acne on my forehead (something that I have never had to deal with) and a rash that only 1% of pregnancies get called PUPPP that itched so painfully that I wanted to scratch my skin off. The rash doesn't go away until delivery which for me, didn't happen until I was 42+ weeks. I could not understand the people who say that they love pregnancy. Mine was far from ideal, but I was so blessed to be given this sweet little baby to carry and care for. I loved feeling him move, and playing with him while he was in my belly. Levi was always sticking his little bum out and was very active. We were so excited to meet our little boy.
I decided before I even got pregnant that I wanted to have a natural delivery. I watched videos on Netflix such as The Business of Being Born, and tried to become educated on my birthing options, making sure I was doing the best thing for my little man. My conclusion was that a woman's body was made to give birth and knew what to do. The more interventions used, the more this natural process is interrupted and complicated. I studied up on different types of natural birthing classes and finally decided that a class called HypnoBabies was right for me.
No, HypnoBabies is not a class that teaches how to hypnotize babies! ha. Sounds silly, but the question has been asked. It is a natural childbirth method that teaches self-hypnosis for pain-free and positive birthing. This is not what you typically think of when you think of hypnotism. It is not some hokey thing where you are not in control of your own body. You are always in full control of your state of mind, and your body. Hypnosis is an altered state of consciousness. HypnoBabies is different from other types of HypnoBabies because they help you learn to produce your own anesthesia for childbirth, not just scripts to help you relax. The anesthesia, diversity of scripts, and high birth partner involvement was a very important part of my decision to choose HypnoBabies. Luckily, an instructor had just moved to our area, and we took a series of six, three hour classes that were super informative, and fun too. I had homework everyday to listen to positive pregnancy affirmations, and different scripts that teach how to enter and deepen hypnosis, and how to direct your anesthesia to different parts of the body. They teach you to use your "lightswitch" to turn off all the muscles in your body. You use an off, middle, and on position. The middle position enables you to stay in hypnosis and use your anesthesia while still being able to talk and move. They teach you to use nicer, more positive words, like pressure wave instead of contraction, and birthing time instead of labor. They even have a recommended diet to follow to help you have a healthy pregnancy. Colten and I took the classes and we were getting so excited for our birthing day. I so wanted to have a natural childbirth and I was trying to prepare for it the best I could.
I got to 38 weeks and was looking forward to going into labor. I kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting... 40 weeks came and went, and my doctor started to get a little nervous. He wanted to induce me, but I refused because full term is considered to be 38-42 weeks and I didn't want any interventions. I agreed to come in twice per week for monitoring to make sure Levi's heart rate and my amniotic fluid level was healthy. We waited, and waited, and I stressed, and stressed, and stressed some more. I prayed, and prayed, and agonized over this because I did not want to get induced, and I knew my doctor was not comfortable with me going past 42 weeks. I tried everything I could think of to help my labor along naturally, finally giving up because it was doing nothing and stressing me out even more. I very reluctantly agreed to be induced at 42 weeks, and we made the appointment at the hospital.
We went into the hospital at 6 a.m. on June 5th, ready as they tell you to be in Hynobabies with a yummy treat for all the nurses. When I got to the hospital I was dilated to a 2+ and 50% effaced. They got me set up in a birthing suite with a jetted tub, and 2 of the nicest nurses that were very experienced in natural childbirth. One was named Mae and the other was in nursing school and was there getting her hours done. They were sisters which was cute, and they really were so experienced and helpful. We got all of our HypnoBabies stuff ready and waited for the doctor. At 7:30 my doctor came in, started pitocin, and broke my water. I started my HypnoBabies right away, with a fear clearing session (which turned out to be about the best script for me during my labor), it got me into a deep state of hypnosis and I moved onto my birthing day scripts.
Within the first hour/hour and a half I dilated to a 4+. I was really deeply in hypnosis, and the nurses were awed by how well I was doing, they asked a lot of questions, and looked at some of my HypnoBabies stuff because they were curious about what I was doing. I spent my birthing time sitting up in the bed and in the tub (which was awesome, btw). My pressure waves were in my back, but if I could sit quietly and really focus on my hypnosis, I was fine. Many of the nurses, and my family thought I was sleeping. I had a minute of a freak out in the tub, because I had some pressure waves catch me off guard and I felt like I couldn't get comfortable. My sweet nurse suggested I try another position, we moved back to the bed and I listened to the fear clearing track again and was back in the swing of things. I got checked about every 2 hours thinking that I must be progressing just to find that I was still at a 4+. Colten, all the while, was the best birth partner I could have ever asked for, using pressure points, spraying my back with warm water while I was in the tub, and coaching me deeper into hypnosis with my peace cues. Except for one extremely dumb comment he made.
It was only Colten and I until about 10 hours into my birthing time, when my mom, sister Jenna, and friend Jennifer showed up unannounced, and slightly uninvited. I had told them that I didn't want anyone else there until I was at a 7, but it was taking so long that Jenna and my mom decided to take matters into their own hands. I was pretty annoyed when they got there, but it turned out to really well because Colten was getting really tired. He needed some reinforcements, and some food, both of which they gave him. ha. I was super nauseated for a lot of my birthing time, and I really didn't have an appetite, but Colten was convinced that I needed to eat to keep my energy up. He kept hounding me to eat, and I kept telling him no. I finally asked for some gum because I thought the mint would help with my nausea, when he made this gem of a remark. Trying to barter with me to get me to eat some Jell-O he said, "I will give you this gum, but first you have to earn it." Earn it? I had been in naturally laboring for 12 hours and I had to "earn" the piece of gum that I asked for?!! I don't think I have ever been so angry with him, and he swears that he has never seen a scarier dirty look on my face. Needless to say, he promptly gave me the gum. Ha.
After 12 hours (which I really felt was only about 5 hours thanks to my hypnosis) my doctor started to think that something was wrong, and I started to get a weird feeling too. They wanted to do a test to see if my pressure waves were strong enough, and found that they weren't. Although the time was flying by, I was so exhausted and getting a little frustrated that nothing was happening after all this work I was doing. I told Colten that I had a feeling that this baby was not meant to come this way. They wanted to up the Pitocin they were giving me to see if it would help me to progress. I had a strange feeling, or intuition I guess, that Levi was not going to be born naturally. I was exhausted and after a lot of deliberation decided to get an epidural.
My HypnoBabies was helpful even for my epidural. I am terrified of needles, so I used my light switch to turn off my body and leaned on Colten so I wouldn't tense up or move during my pressure waves while the anesthesiologist was working on my back.
The doctor upped my pitocin, waited, and then upped it some more to double what it was before. I progressed to a 5. Then my pressure waves actually started getting farther apart. Before they had been coming back to back, and by this point they were almost 5 minutes apart. Another 8 hours went by with nothing happening, and I decided to go to sleep. I woke up at 2:45 a.m. with the worst uncontrollable shaking throughout my whole body. It was almost painful because it made my body so tense. I called the nurse in and asked her if it was normal. She told me that a lot of women get the shakes while they are in labor, and left. My family piled blankets on me trying to get my body to calm down, and Colt came over and held me for a while. The nurse came back to check on me and was surprised to see that my shaking wasn't getting any better. She checked my temperature, and realized that it was really high. Then came the talk of infection. The fever indicated that I had contracted an infection in my amniotic fluid sometime during the course of my labor, so she called my doctor to see what he wanted her to do .
My doctor promptly started a round of antibiotics and the nurse explained my options to me. We could have a cesarean section, or we could up my pitocin once more and wait to see if anything happened. Colten wanted me just to get a cesarean because the infection made us all nervous, not knowing how it was affecting Levi. After consulting with my nurse, we decided to compromise. We would up my pitocin once more, and see if I made any progress during the 45 minutes that they were administering the antibiotics. If I started progressing I would continue with things the way they were, and if I was still the same we would go on with the cesarean.
After the 45 minutes my nurse came in and checked me again. Nothing. Still at a 5. After 22 hours of labor I had only progressed less than 3 centimeters. My doctor called and talked to me once more about my options, I told him what we had decided, and he talked to me about what was going to happen. He very kindly informed me that any babies whose mom's get infections have a mandatory 48 hour stay in the NICU even if they aren't affected by it. This news hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately got choked up and had to hold back tears while I finished up our phone conversation. I waited to tell Colten and my family until the nurse left the room because I didn't want to cry in front of her. When I did tell them, I cried and they all cried with me. When I look back on that moment now, I think it was one of the most beautiful of my birthing time. Levi and I have so many people who care about us, and that moment was evidence of that. They were all just as worried about him and as upset as I was. We are really blessed to have that support system. Colten called his parents to tell them to head over. When they got to the hospital Colten and his dad gave me a very beautiful, and reassuring blessing.
The rest of the time before my c-section was just a blur. I started shaking again, my head was killing me and I was feeling really sick. I started getting really nervous that I wouldn't be able to stop shaking, and that it would cause them to hurt Levi while they were making the incision for my c-section. Once again my HypnoBabies came through for me. I turned off my lightswitch and was able to use my hypnosis to stop my shaking finally. I used my HypnoBabies the whole way to the operating room, and during my actual c-section.
Having a cesarean was a really interesting experience. I have never ever had surgery, even a broken bone or been in the hospital myself before my birthing time. They made sure I was sufficiently numb, and started going to work. Colten stood by me and held my hand. I could feel the pressure where they were making my incision, and I could hear them snipping my skin, which was really gross. Levi was born at 5:55 a.m. on June 6, 2012. When Levi was born, all I could hear was everyone exclaiming how big he was, but he wasn't making a peep or breathing. I could tell that the staff was starting to get nervous, although they were trying to act nonchalant about it, I'm sure trying not to freak us out. He finally did start breathing, after what seemed like a scarily long time, but was probably only about 15 seconds. Then one of the nurses or doctors brought him over for me to see. They held him up a few feet from me, exclaimed "Here's your baby!" which was followed immediately by me crying, and saying how beautiful he was, and then he was quickly whisked away. Colten had agreed previously that we didn't want our baby without one of us with him, so he followed after our little guy. I must stop here and say how beautiful this little baby really was. Shallowly, superficially, I had worried about how our little boy would look. I worried that he would have birth defects, as I think a lot of mom's worry about to some degree. My worrying, of course, was all in vain. Although I knew before that I would love him just as much no matter what birth defect or disability he could be born with, I didn't really understand how strong and unconditional a mother's love is until this moment. He was perfect in every way, and I was immediately in love when I saw him. He was (and still is) the most beautiful little person I have ever laid eyes on.
After they took him away, the anesthesiologist asked me if I wanted him to wait to put me under for a few minutes so I could be with my baby for a while. This idea was quickly shot down by one of the hospital staff. I didn't understand then, but I found out later that Levi was so sick that he needed to be put on oxygen, and monitors right away. I was also feeling really sick by this time. I was extremely nauseous and I was feeling a lot of pressure on my chest. I am guessing that had something to do with what they were doing with my stomach. I was terrified to be put under because I have heard a few horror stories about people getting put under anesthesia and never waking up. Before I knew it though, I was waking up in the operating room again with 2 nurses hovering over me, and my doctor helping them to wheel me back to my room. I still puzzle over why they put me under to sew up my incision, when they don't during the actual surgery. If anyone knows why they do this please enlighten me.
My first question when I woke up was "How much did Levi weigh?" I asked my doctor this immediately, and he told me he didn't know yet. When I got back to my room, where my family, and Colten's family were waiting, I asked again. I remember being frustrated feeling like no one would tell me. I am told that I asked quite about a trillion times, and was answered just as many. Ha. I was a little loopy, and I could hardly keep my eyes open so it makes sense. I did eventually find out that he weighed 9 lbs. 1 oz. When I was awake enough I asked them if they had any pictures. They showed me a couple that Colten had sent to them.
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| Levi Colten Butler 9 lbs. 1 oz. 21.5 Inches Look at my poor baby with all his tubes and wires. I hated this so much. |
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| You can see how pale and blotchy his coloring was in this picture. It makes me sad looking at these that I couldn't be there with him during his first little while in the world when he was so sick and probably really scared too. |
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| Seriously how doped up do I look? Ha. I can barely keep my eyes open! |
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| This poor little boy was so swollen!! I think he looks like a completely different baby now. Also look how fat my hands were! Holy moly. |
Levi was in the NICU for a total of five days. Two things had to be accomplished for Levi to be able to be discharged from the NICU. The doctors needed him first, to be able to breath on his own, so they had him on a oxygen machine called a CPAP that they slowly weaned him off of as he was able to keep his oxygen levels high enough on his own. Secondly, they needed to get rid of what they called a pneumonia like infection in his lungs that he got from the infection that I had gotten in my amniotic fluid while I was in labor. If I remember correctly, it took about 3 days for Levi to be weaned fully off of the CPAP, but the infection was still lingering pretty high by then. I was starting to get frustrated because the doctors initially thought he would be healthy enough to come home after 3 days. When that third day came Levi's infection had actually gotten worse. Colt and his dad came and gave Levi a blessing that night, and sure enough the next morning when Levi's test results came back the infection was almost gone. We were so excited! All that was left was for us to complete some tests to make sure that he was ready to come home.
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| Colten being the awesome daddy that he is. He seriously was in the NICU with Levi probably more than I was. The nurses told Colten's mom that they don't see many daddies that are so involved and with their babies as he was. Although the way everything happened was not ideal, it really allowed Colten to bond with Levi very well because he was the one who got to be with him right after he was born, and when a lot when I couldn't be there. |
These are some pictures of Levi's little room in the NICU:
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| I think this is one of the times the IV was in his foot. The other foot with the blue on it is where his oxygen monitor is I believe?? |
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| Auntie Jenna was seriously awesome while we were in the hospital. She and my mom came to visit probably 3 times a day. She sat with us and brought Levi the little giraffe in his incubator in the pictures above to keep him company. We had so much family that came and supported us and a lot of visitors. The tube that is taped to the chair is his feeding tube. We couldn't breastfeed him while he was on the CPAP machine, so I had to pump a ton to try to get my milk to come in, and we fed him this way. |
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| Levi with Grandma and Papa. |
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| Little man finally weaned off of the CPAP, and into a bassinet instead of the incubator. He then got Jaundice so he is getting ready to go under the lights. |
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| Levi getting his tan on under the Jaundice lights. |
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| I just love this picture of Levi. Unfortunately you can't see my friend Maggie but this picture is from one of the times that she came to visit. She was so sweet, and helpful throughout my whole pregnancy. We were so blessed to have so many friends and family that came to visit us including: my Mom, and her husband Dave, Colten's parents, Colten's sweet grandparents, Colten's brothers, my siblings Jenna, Matt, and Heather, a close family friend Jennifer, and Maggie and her husband Chris. |
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| Snuggling with mama. I look like a whale, but I still love this picture. |
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| This was Levi's car seat test. He had to sit in his carseat for an hour with the monitors on him to see if he could keep his oxygen levels up well enough to leave the hospital. |
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| The final test before we could take him home was a night with us keeping him in our room. The doctors needed to see that his breathing and oxygen levels would stay high enough, and that he would eat enough so we could take him home. This was the first time we actually just got to be with our baby alone without all the nurses hovering the whole time. We were so excited to get to sleep in the same room as him. This was a loooooong night because even though Levi slept well, the monitor they keep on his foot to read his oxygen levels kept tripping, and the alarm was going off all night. It was good practice for the long sleepless nights we would have with Levi when we brought him home. Ha. This was also the first time we swaddled him. He loved it then and still does. |
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| Coming home!! |
On the other hand, I am so glad that we have the technology we have today. I have a family history of women who are unable to dilate or progress because of the way their bone structure was. I don't know that I fit into that category, but if that was what was happening then if I would have lived a hundred years ago we both probably would have died. When I start wondering these things Colten always reminds me that we are both currently happy and healthy and in the end that is all that matters. I know things could be much much worse, and I feel so blessed that things went as well as they did. A lot of people don't get to take home their babies for weeks, or months, and some don't get to take theirs home at all. I do know that I will be trying for a natural VBAC with HypnoBabies again next time, and I am hoping to go into labor on my own before 42 weeks so that I can. That is going to be a while down the road though.
Also on a semi-unrelated note I want to mention that I was really worried about the hospital before I went in. I was nervous they would totally unsupportive of my natural birthing, and very pushy of their own agenda. That was far from the truth. The nurses I had were awesome, during my birthing time, during my recovery, and in the NICU. The hospital had just finished these awesome birthing suites with dimmed lights, tubs and even aromatherapy. They encouraged skin to skin, breastfeeding, and honored my wishes. My nurses and OB all encouraged me, telling me I could do it naturally without an epidural, and although I was induced, my doctor really tried to give me the natural birth I wanted at the hospital. I actually hugged and was sad to say goodbye to some of the nurses. Overall I had such a positive experience there. I am so grateful for all of the nurses, and doctors that cared so well for Levi and I.
We took Levi home at around 11 a.m. on June 11. Having a new baby home is an interesting experience. I don't think you can ever really be prepared for what is in store for you. It is so life changing. It takes a little while to get your feet on the ground, but it is so fun. He has been such a happy, easy baby so far.We love this little boy so much and he brings so much happiness to our home. I will end with a recent favorite video of our little guy, because he is just so dang cute.
How can that little face not make you smile?
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